myriad of thoughts

our van stopped right where she was standing. they told me not to get down cos there was a monkey right outside and would be on me the minute i step out. but i had to relieve myself of the nausea and was desperately in need of fresh air.

just as i was getting down i saw her put out her right hand and ask, for food. i fell in love with her at that moment. i ve never seen a monkey do that before. i noticed that she had just one hand. i wonder how that happened. then someone in my group said that all the other monkeys would have probably isolated her because of her arm. it could be, i thought.

the world, the society, wants everybody to be the same, look the same, behave the same, believe in the same else you are a deviant or just not included.
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for the first time i stepped into slush willingly. i didnt have my friends telling me to be careful or my mother constantly behind me saying i would fall sick. it was my decision and i removed my slippers and stepped into it. it was raining and i did not mind it. there was no one to hold my hand to guide me through it and the feeling was exhilirating.

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we were all there, some 10 of us, at the temple. quietly the 4 of them sat facing each other and began to chant in one voice. i sat mesmerised by the rythmic chant. i closed my eyes and the chant in my head felt a kind of immense peace settle over me. i wished i could stay there forever listening to them.

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"can we go for a walk now please?", i asked
"No" was the reply i got.
"will you come for the trek tomorrow morning?" asked i shamelessly and again the answer was a blunt no.

i climbed into bed regretting that i asked and made a fool of myself. the next morning as a few of us started for the trek, there i saw the person sitting and having tea. a ghost of a smile spread across that face as i approached.

"you are dumb. it was late last night and thats why i didnt go for a walk with you. didnt you know i pulled myself out of bed so early in the morning to see you?" was the reply to my unasked question.

this reminded me of a quote
God answers our prayers in any one of the 3 ways
Sometimes He says YES and gives us what we want
Sometimes the answer is NO
sometimes He says WAIT and gives us the best in His own time

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i was very excited to be in my city. i ate hurridly telling everyone that i was going out to look at my city. i ran to the gate, in the rain. i do not know what i was expecting but when i went out there and saw, i didnt know what to see. there was nothing. there were the buses loaded with people i dont know, the landmark had changed as all the trees had been cut down, new shops had come up and i didnt see any familiar face (though i wonder if that is what i expected to find).

sometimes i expect i know not what and i am disappointed if that know-not-what expectation is not met:)

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"shall we go to that place?", i was asked
"i dont think so" i replied
"but you said you had a great time there"
"yes i did, but i dont think i would want to go there again" i said

that is really weird. why wouldnt i want to go there again when i had one of the best times of my life there?

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how the heart yearns for things that are just out of reach and is never satisfied with what it has. If only desires cease, if only man knew the difference between needs and desires.