i am happy

i really am..i ve been feeling low for quite some time now..going through a messed up phase in life (all my own making though- atleast am aware of it). But now i think i am back to normalcy.

lesson learnt:
try to find out why you are sad instead of just thinking of the event which makes you sad. that way i found that it did not warrant so much of my energy.


I realised that somehow humans tend to lean towards sadness. why would man want to do that? ok let me not globalise and reflect on my own self. I guess i want people to reassure me, to tell me i am good, to say i can over come this and basically pay attention to me. i wonder if a child learns that right from day one. He knows his needs are satisfied as soon as he starts wailing and basically making life hell for whoever is taking care of him. the upset mood i believe for me is just an expression of my want.

this took 23 years for me to realise and i could still be wrong. maybe one day i ll jsut realise that all this is bull shit and that maybe man is supposed to be sad only adn the true nature of man is not being happy but inflicting pain on oneself (mentally). But the 'me' i know is what i am 'now'. so now i believe that man is born to be happy and nothing can affect him untill he wills it to.
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this weekend was cool, i mean literally. i had been to this place called Madikeri, Coorg (somewhere near Mysore). it is a hill station and the roads are made in the middle of dense forest. it was completely green and you should hear the insects hum throughout the place.

One thing which struck me was that there is no concept of ATM's in this place. The people had a few banks and no ATM centers.

Whats there to wonder i thought, we didnt know the concept of ATM anywhere in India until a decade ago (probably less not sure).

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We went to get food from her. She was constantly smiling and conversed in Tamizh. the place was just a small room with tables on either side for people to sit. one side of the wall was closed by a curtain behind which this lady stood cooking. i noticed it was so clean. the whole place was neat and everything was stored properly.

"where is your house?", i asked her
"some 3 kilometers from here.", said she with a smile
"so when do you close your shop?"
"at around 9. i walk back home alone. i dont have a problem."

and this lady neither had a mobile nor a phone connection at home to contact her sons and she's still happy. am not trying to say that people with mobiles are happy and people who do not use such technology are not happy. this has jsut got me wondering whether we do need such scientific growth. is there a 'need' for constantly keeping in touch? because we still led a happy and comfortable life without it.

all said and done, i dont think i will want to part with my mobile, however badly i maintain it.

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at Madikeri, we found it very difficult to communicate to people. few spoke Hindi and the rest seemed to know only Kannada. English and Tamizh were out of question. so with some difficulty, we found an suto guy who could take us to the place we wanted to go from the bus station.

it turned out that the auto man did not know where the place was and had just decided to go. He asked us something which we didnt understand and we told him something that he didnt understand.

We found a house on our way (the only one which we found after a long search) and asked them the route.

just as we reached our destination, our dear automan turned to us and asked "neenga tamizh ah?" (are you thamizh? meaning are you tamizh language speaking folks)for a minute we didnt know what to say. i mean, we ve been roaming the whole place with this man for the past 20 mins trying to communicate in a language which is as alien to us as Afrikaans and this guy has been acting as if he never knew the language.

once we had overcome our initial shock when our mouths were wide open (so much so that we wouldnt have realised even if some huge insect had entered it), we found that he was a native of Tamil Nadu and would rather project himself as a Kannada person instead of a tamizhian.

"you are not safe here if you are a tamizhian. there are many tamils here and they wouldnt risk telling it out loud".

so that was the story. our neighbouring state does not put up with us because we ask them to give us water to drink. everyone seems to be good at heart then why as a community, as a society, as a state, as a nation, as a family we are disagreeable?

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Whenever you share the goodness in your heart you end up winning hearts cause life s like an echo. it gives back what you ve given.