another day

i woke up to subdued light coming from the window. i love this weather. i am always in this calm state of mind when the clouds cover the blue sky grey. i went straight to the door, opened it and stepped out into the cold. our veranda opens out to the street below. it is not a street but a dead end with 3 houses on either side of the road. from the veranda one cannot see the house on the opposite side because a huge mamaram covers it. so you are pretty safe to sit with untidy hair and oily face for no one can see u.

i dont know how long i sat there. i did not think anything, but just sat looking out at the wet road and hearing the cuckoo chirp away happily. something struck me and i got up suddenly, closed the door and went to the kitchen. i made black tea and carried it back to where i came from.

this time i was not not thinking. there was a very important debate going on in my mind- should i or should i not go to office today. all i wanted to do was sit there all day watching the sky becoming darker by the minute feeling the rain drops on my feet.

it is still drizzling out here. am at office feeling the same way i felt this morning. a warmth spreading in my heart and a smile on my face still thinking about the morning spent alone experiencing the glow.
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"do you always take the auto madam? or.." asked he. he was not very tall, wore a crisp white shirt and had a mole on his right cheek near the mouth. his auto said 'masha allah'.
"no" i said and looked out. I was enjoying the weather and was in no mood to talk. he persisted "why did you come? you should have taken off."
"i was debating about that this morning but well what would i do at home all day. so i came"
"why? you could ve sat and watched tv all day." he said with an unsaid 'tv can entertain anybody for as long as required.'
with a soft chuckle i replied 'we do not have a tv' and had to hold the bar in front of me for support for he had braked the vehicle all of a sudden. he turned towards me and asked with a look of incredulity "TV illaya!"
i just looked at him and nodded with a smile.
he just couldnt believe it. how can somebody actually BE without a tv?

"are you living with your family or alone madam?"
"with my husband", i dont know what made me say that, but i did.
another pause and a turn to look at me. then a look through the rear view mirror.
"aana you do not have a thaali or a ring", he was a simple man
"i just do not wear them", i said taking my lie further but enjoying his reactions.

then he kept quiet for a while and said "madam please do not mistake me but...what if...what if...oh god how do i ask..please do not mistake me madam..but what if someone likes you thinking that you are unmarried? what will you do then?"
"i do not talk to many men, so no one will. even if they do i would just say i am married."
"that will not do in india madam." he murmured shaking his head and when i didnt answer changed the subject.

this person, an auto guy in chennai, earns rs.1000 every day. then why, i wonder are automen living in slums?

"i have been working since the age of 6. i have offers to go abroad and work. you see my relatives own shops abroad. but i dont want to go. for i cant talk. i am not properly educated. i could have studied, but i didnt. but my wife. she is from a very well off family. she has done her MA...what madam? MA madam...oh i dont know in what subject and all madam...yes she was working as a school teacher. i cant talk but if she talks no one can stand in front of her whether it be in English, Hindi or Tamizh..she had taken six months off to take care of our new born...no madam, we have not named the son yet...he is 3 months old now...no madam, for us and all the naming ceremony will cost a lot. he was supposed to be named after 40 days but he is still un-named..we call him papa (with a look that said 'obviously')."

"i am never sad madam. i think i was born to go through hard ships. i was happy before marriage and even after marriage. before marriage i got a proposal from a Hindu woman..yes madam..her mother came and asked my dad if he would get me married to her daughter. but my dad's sister's daughter was waiting for me. i also liked that Hindu girl, but dad said that it wouldnt be fair to take back on his promise to get me married to his sisters daughter...so here i am...of course dad would have married me off to that Hindu girl had it not been for my present wife...no we dont consider all that..being a good person is more important than any of that madam."

"my wife is from a very rich family. they asked me to stay in her house only. but i said no. i dont want to live at their mercy madam. only if i earn and eat it will stick to me body. i have only one sadness in my life madam, that is my sister. we got her married off to a family. she fell in love with her neighbour and ran away with him...i know it is sad madam. we were all heart broken. we got it written from her...she wrote and signed that we are not her brothers anymore and she wouldnt come to us for anything except money...but money she may need no madam, we cant let her go like that...but i see her madam. i go once every month..of course no one in my family knows. if they knew they would kill me...my wife knows yes. we never fight madam. i am lucky. how is your husband madam?.... oh here? ok madam..nice talking to you...bye"

i entered my office smiling