now and then

'dance like no one is watching you...'one of the things which seem to be easier said than done.

Sometimes when i look back i see so many changes in me..these are some of the changes almost everyone would experience i feel..the change in the way you interact with those around you as you grow up and the restrictions you pose on yourself for whatever reasons.

Then:
On the first day in my new school in class V- extreme excitement.
Now:
excitement mingled with a fear of unknown - "how is it going to be?"

Then:
By lunch break (some 3.5hrs since i ve joined the new school) was sitting on the desk and singing 'sokku podi meenakshi'
Now:
give an uncertain look at the surrounding, smile, wait for someone to talk or maybe give a meek smile at someone and start off a conversation (which will last a few lines, after that...'pause' sorry 'embarrassing pause' for i dont know what more to say.)

Then:
went and asked the teacher if i could join in the choir group even though i didnt know the songs.
Now:
people ask if i can sing 'umm...kind off...didnt learn singing'.
"why dont you sing?" asks someone and i go "oh no no..i d rather not do that." later still "ok i will sing" but with a disclaimer like "i haven learnt singing" or "its been months since i have sang" or "listen at your own risk"

Then:
"Why am i not in the drama ma'am?" when i was not chosen for a play at school
Now:
"why was i not chosen? am i bad? Maybe i am. Maybe i should not think of dramas anymore, i have other things to do anyway." to list a few of my thoughts

Then:
"i know this game. come let us play." and off i went running behind the girl who suggested the game.
Now:
"that is a good idea, but i dont think i want to do it."

Then:
"amma, X and i fought today, i dont like her and am never going to talk to her" say i crying..half the words swallowed by my tears. and the next day u find me giggling and running around with the same girl i had fought with the day before.
Now:
"i have to put up with this person." or "this person is like this only."

Then:
"see i got a new dress:)" with the face lit up in a beaming smile
Now:
after waiting for a long time "How come you never noticed my new dress?" or "as a matter of fact when i was buying this dress yesterday only i met that guy."

Then:
"My birthday is coming no:) get me a gift ok."
Now:
"My birthday is coming no:) get me a gift ok."