journey

It seems to me like all the national festivals or rather national holidays are utilized most by the media only. I had been home for Aug 15th this time. I remember when we actually ‘celebrated’ the 50th year of Indian Independence at the apartments I used to stay at. It had been more of an opportunity to get together, prepare for songs and dance and basically showcase our talents. At that time media had not taken over the lime light of every function and there still seemed to be the festive spirit in the air. I always associate independence day and Republic day with, the patriotic songs being played over speakers everywhere and the flags decorating the streets (the flags are usually lie in the ditches nearby or stick to the shoes of passers by)

Oh and how can I forget the school. We would go to school and hoist the flag. The highlight would be the small saffron, white and green flags which we used to proudly pin to our uniforms and walk around. There used to be a time when I was very patriotic. I say ‘used to be’ because I feel that feeling or passion called patriotism, the thoughts that I should do something for my nation, the feeling that despite all the shortcomings ‘india is the best’ seems very cynical (if that s the right word) to me now-a-days.

This independence day all I was happy about was that I was with my parents and I got to watch TV. When we were talking about independence at home, my mother said “is it not amazing that a whole nation fought for one single cause at that time”. I wonder if we would get together as one community again and believe in something and maybe also work towards something someday.

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Train journeys always fascinate me. I am not a very introspective person (atleast not until I am forced to reflect on my own behaviour) so I spend my time looking around at people or just looking outside the window thinking deeply about nothing.

Sometimes I feel sad for no reason and this train journey started off that way till a mother and her baby got into the train. The father had got in at the previous station and in the next his wife and baby joined him. From their conversation I found that it had been 4 days since the father had been away. The father obviously seemed happy to see his son again and wanted to carry him. But to his disappointment, his son, a six month old, gave one look at the father and let out the loudest wail I have ever heard.

It was funny to me (not to the father I bet) to know that the child had actually forgotten his father. He wouldn’t let go of his mother. All the mother had to do was turn the child’s face towards the father and the compartment would be filled with the sounds of the child crying.

After cajoling the baby to sleep, the mother gave the child to the father who was happy to just hold his son while asleep. After some time the child woke up in his mothers arm and smiled at all the others around him till his eyes met his father. I couldn’t helping laughing out aloud as the child again screamed his lungs out and would not stop till he was distracted away from his father.

laer i noticed that the child got used to the father. he seemed to now believe that this person meant no harm, that he was someone his mother kept referring to as 'appa', whom his mother obviously seemed to trust and someone who seemed as if he is gonna be around for quite some time.

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my parents have grown old. i can see that, not jsut physicall but by their behavious as well. while my dad has started talking about grandchildren already, my mom s need to be with people has increased. this time when i was at home she did not let me out of her sight. she refused to let me go into my room or be alone when she was around. all she kept saying was 'dont go, stay with me'. though i laughed when she said this, it kind of worries me. maybe i never expected my parents to grow old:) but i dont know. i felt bad that i was leaving her and coming away.

this got us into talking about Karma- my parents being seperated from their children adn experiencing the pain. i am sure it is my bad Karma too living away from the only people on Earth whom i believe love me for what i am (though they keep trying to change my behavious whenever possible:)).

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The only sin is to feel helpless and live insignificantly. Wake up!