The reformer

I could see her face changing. I don’t know why but I tend to observe her a lot when she is around. I guess it is the aura she exudes. Somewhere deep down it is the need to understand what is going on in her mind. I wonder if she has the same effect on others!

As she was speaking her voice broke. I knew what was coming before she hurriedly covered her eyes in a desperate attempt to stop the emotion. The first feeling I felt was pain, because the cry looked like that caused by great pain and hurt. I wondered why she was feeling so bad! PMS? Possible! but she seems too sane to be affected by PMS. Then what could be?

Then she tried to explain. The pain was the realization of a dream dying. If there was one word to describe her that would be 'passionate'. This passionate woman had started a company to work for a cause. Now she felt that the cause was being lost in the urge to expand. It took a long time for me to understand that. I asked a zillion questions and so did the others trying to understand and reassure her that it was not so.

I was taken aback by the thought that she was thinking that passion to help the child learn better was lacking in me, in EZVians who would rather identify themselves proudly as an EZVian than as an employee working for an org that works in education. Was she saying that we were focusing on our roles as a sales guys or a researcher rather than as someone changing education? Then it struck me! what she meant was true.

I have worked as a content developer or a researcher and not as a transformer. I do my work and say it will lead, hopefully, to transformation. I have not thought that 'I am here to transform so let me work at it'. Will my work be better if I identified myself differently? I think so. Probably only then I will realize if this is what I am meant to do. I have just been viewing the part, the manifestation and not the whole or the big idea. My first lesson of the day was, it is high time I identify myself with something larger and more meaningful than the one now.

The next thing that hit me was the passion. Am I as passionate as her about education? About anything at all? Should I? I think I should. If not I seem to be drifting without a purpose doing what is asked of me, without roots. This passion develops roots. So the question is ‘do I have roots ?’ and the answer is ‘no’. Now that I am at least aware of it, my second learning for the day is ‘identify the passion within’.

I teased her many a times after that but in the heart of hearts I knew I wanted to be like her. The passion gives a drive, a clarity of thought and action, a courage, a direction and above all a purpose, which is what I am searching for!